Giving Myself Room

Rather than hemming myself in

Even with my puffer jacket zipped up to my chin and its hood snapped shut at my nose, the chilly January wind still penetrates through the cracks it finds in my clothes. Today’s walk, unlike most of my daily hikes, does not bring joy. Around me, the shrubs and trees absorb the light. There is no color, just the gloom of a monochromatic world. Above, a slight hint of peach tints the low-hanging grey cover of clouds. But even there, the light seems to have lost the fight with the overcast sky.

I trudge along, following Sadie, the pup, and try to find something to wonder at. I breathe in the fresh air, let it fill me and let it clear my mind. On this first day of the year, it helps me focus. After ten days away from my work and my usual routines, these breaths bring me back to the here and now. And that is where I find joy today.

As a new year begins, I reposition myself. I’m no longer looking back; I’m looking forward. Where do I go from here? How do I want to orient myself? What guides me forward? A word that has been running through my head is ampleness or what I call comfortable sufficiency. It heralds a life where I give myself enough to live joyfully and share with others. Ampleness gives me room to move, to be flexible, to pivot without hurting myself. It allows for error and failure without beating myself up about it. It gives me the possibility to enjoy life free of constraints that others might try to put on me. It provides a place to feel. It makes me live each day, appreciative of what I have been given and aware of the responsibility of using it well.

As I prepare my yearly planner and start making lists (yes, I am a list maker), that word will be at the forefront. For me, ampleness is a part of “la bonne vie” (the good life); it provides space to truly flourish without fear of hemming myself in.

This year, I am giving myself another word as well: serenity. It’s a good reminder to keep calm, even when the waters become troubled. It keeps me focused when life throws things my way (and I know it will!).

As January unfolds, I’m hibernating with good books, good food and a warm place to sit. Those two words, ampleness and serenity, will be my companions as I look forward to each day I’m given.

May your year be filled with ampleness and serenity as well!